Hurt Or Healer?

We are honored that Lynn Cowell from Proverbs 31 Ministries graciously accepted our invitation to share her thoughts on the importance of healing words. Thank you Lynn for your ongoing ministry dedicated to strengthening the mother/daughter relationship.

Hurt or Healer?

by Lynn Cowell

20130715_01How did this argument happen anyway?

Your child came home from school and minutes after the backpack hit the floor, the two of you are at each other. The raised voices and rude words seemed to come out of nowhere. What did I do? You wonder.

The answer might be nothing. In fact, it’s quite possible it has nothing to do with you at all.

So many times when I have been hurt by someone, especially members of my family, I have made it about me. What did I do? Why did they do that to me? I didn’t deserve that.

So often, though, I’m asking the wrong questions. What I need to be asking is: What is going on in them? Why did they feel the need to do that? Why are they hurting?

If I switch the questions I am asking, I go from hurt to healer.

Like my friend Zoe said – I can become a Q-tip: Quit Taking It Personal. In fact, you and I can do more than that…instead of becoming offended, we can look for opportunities. Opportunities to look at someone who is hurting and decide to be part of their healing process. We can embrace our offender and become a healer!

Not only is this powerful in our own lives, but just think of the power we can give our kids if we teach them this principle too!

Several years ago, my daughter came home from school offended; she was feeling excluded. So we began to ask questions. “Why did the other girl say what she did?” “Is it possible that the offender was feeling excluded? Excluding another might have been her choice in dealing with her own pain. I tried to get my girl to look outward instead of inward.

Think back over the last argument with your child, spouse or family member. At what point in the conversation could you have become the healer? Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes in the next 24 hours to see another who needs you to step into this role and be a source of healing in their life!

Lynn is the author of His Revolutionary Love, a book that helps girls develop a higher self-esteem by discovering Christ’s life-altering love. From her own experience of falling for Jesus as a teen, she shares how the wise decisions she made such as waiting to have sex before she was married and finding God’s cause for her life young brought a fruitful future to pass. With her conversational, friend-to-friend tone, girls feel when they read His Revolutionary Love as though Lynn is just sitting across the table, sharing life stuff together.Learn more about Lynn and her work with Proverbs 31 Ministries at

You may also connect with her at Facebook and Twitter.

Lynn Cowell - Wise Women, Wiser Daughters

This story appeared on The Whatever Girls website on July 12, 2013.

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