by Freida Harrison
I remember standing by the bed in the guest bedroom of my daughter’s house, folding clean clothes while reflecting on my baby grandson and the long surgery and struggles he had been through to correct his defective heart. Two-year-old Bryce was napping, and I had a bit of time alone. At this point, baby Jayden was still in the hospital but doing well, and we were looking forward to getting him home, his older brother meeting him for the first time, and hopefully only having the usual chaos of a newborn in the house.
Something from within me was tugging for attention, and I was thankful for a few moments to listen to the whispers that were swirling around in my heart and head. In the stillness and quiet of the moment, my thoughts and feelings connected and came into clear focus. God was showing me that the spiritual and emotional parts of my heart had become torn. God used Jayden’s heart problems to reveal to me that I needed some heart healing myself.
Even though we had all felt the covering of love and prayers during this storm, my spiritual heart was weakening. I felt depleted, and in need of some time alone with my Savior. Also, I was desperate for His help with emotional healing, and I longed for peace.
I had been “praying without ceasing,” however, with all the busyness of life at that time, I had been neglectful of daily personal time with God. I made a commitment to read my Bible and devotionals every day to fill the void even if I could only find a few minutes here and there. As a result, it did not take long for spiritual healing to begin.
Healing the emotional laceration in my heart was more difficult. At that time, I was exhausted, however, I felt the need to be strong for my daughter, son-in-law, and little Bryce. Typically, I am calm through a crisis, but break like shattered glass when it is over. Small cracks were beginning to appear in my emotional strength, alerting me to take immediate action toward healing my damaged emotions.
Under normal circumstances, I discuss my struggles with a few close, trustworthy friends, but at that time, I was a long distance from them. Even though they were calling to check on baby Jayden’s progress, I needed some up-close-and-personal emotional support. God, in His infinite mercy, answered my prayers by placing new, Godly friends from my daughter’s church in my life, allowing me to release my vulnerable feelings in a safe environment.
Even though this healing took longer, I learned that I was stronger than I realized—not my own strength, but by clinging to God and letting Him hold me up with His righteous hand. By giving myself permission to feel vulnerable and lean on both “old” and new friends while patiently trusting our Heavenly Father, the spiritual and emotional healing began, and I found peace. I am very grateful for my Savior’s supportive strength and for all the Christian sisters who listened, prayed, and assisted me through my time of weakness.
Our little Jayden was born serving our Savior. Through him, God showed me the importance of daily examining my heart to keep it healthy—the spiritual and emotional heart as well as the physical.
To Gina and Bryan: I dedicate “Jayden’s Journey” to both of you. Your love, trust, and faith in God is strong and inspiring—a shining example to all. The love and devotion that you share with each other and with your children touches my heart, filling me with warmth, joy, and peace. I am so blessed to be your mom, mother-in-law, and Grammy to your children. I love you.
Copyright © 2014, Freida Harrison, all rights reserved, Breath of Life Women’s Ministries. First picture quote by Patsy Clairmont. Second picture quote from Pinterest. Other Pictures from Freida Harrison, Copyright © All rights reserved.